


A Seed in a Valley of Dead Flowers

by Fearless_leaderr



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Order 66 (Star Wars), Slow Burn, This was meant to be a one shot and yet, here we are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:27:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27902959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fearless_leaderr/pseuds/Fearless_leaderr
Summary: "I…I've only ever been called CC-2224, Sir."His walking physically stutters and halts a little at that, and he frowns unhappily. There it is, yet another reason to despise the Empire; their lack of humanity. For a moment, he finds himself fuming in it before he swallows, taking a painful breath and shakily exhaling his anger into the force. He has seen what it can do to the best of them, and he cannot afford to fall."I'm not calling you that," Obi-Wan replies curtly, his shoulders tense.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 52
Kudos: 420





	1. A stormtrooper and a jedi

**Author's Note:**

> I starting this chapter thinking the entire thing would be done as a one shot, but I have so many ideas It been impossible to finish it off in one go. And so we here we go, I guess.

Since his world had tilted on its axis and disintegrated like ash between his fingers, Obi-Wan had typically taken to closing off his connection to the force. His signature was far too noticeable, and he was protecting something far too valuable here to risk being discovered. That's not to say he never sensed anything at all: only that he never reached out and sought anyone else, no matter how much he wished to. 

The solitude of Tatooine was bone-achingly lonely, and he often found himself aimlessly wandering the sand planet for hours on end. Although his purpose here was incredibly special to him, he was at a loss. Everyone he loved, everything he believed in, his very way of life- all gone. One moment he was Obi-Wan Kenobi: High General of the Grand Army of the republic. Jedi Master and council member. Master to his Padawan and grand-padawan. The next he was Ben Kenobi: A hermit and a wanderer with no real purpose in the world. The loss of identity and autonomy was the most destabilising aspect to him. He tried, for all his worth, to settle into a routine. He woke every morning and meditated, still damp with sweat from the previous night's terrors. It would seem that even now, he was destined to suffer, plagued with the memories of things he could no longer change.

Sometimes, on days when his self-loathing is so bad he cannot climb out of bed, he allows himself to imagine how things could have been. If he had been a better Master. If he had died instead of Qui-Gon, and his own master had raised Anakin in his place. If he had confronted Anakin about his attachment to Padme earlier. But it is not just Anakin which brings a crushing sense of failure. Often, he wonders how things would be if he noticed the essence of the whole plot. If he had had the sense to investigate what 'inhibitor chips' truly entailed. If he had given more of his attention to the strange case of Tups malfunctioning and the subsequent and devasting loss of Fives. If he had stayed a little longer on Utapau to ensure his Commander's safety. 

He imagines a lot of different outcomes, and they only add further fuel to his all-encompassing self-loathing. This constant myriad of misery tormenting his mind is perhaps why he misses the initial shift in the force.

But the shift is persistent, a small nagging feeling brushing up against his shields, like when you forgot something important. Struck with the sudden fear that it is a trick, Obi-Wan closes his connection off completely. His hope is that the persistent echo will disappear, and he will have one less weight to drown him.  
  
It does not disappear. 

In fact, the feeling grows more potent and more familiar until one day it explodes, sending the Jedi sprawling forward into the scorching sand where he had been observing Mos Eisley. He gasps at the sheer power of it, reaching up to clutch his head. He hadn't felt anything like it. Like something has forced his shields to open with nothing but sheer will. He struggles against the intensity of it, squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to focus. He finds it difficult to make sense of what he feels; it is disorientating and confusing, and full of fear. Pushing himself to his knees then, Obi-Wan sucks in a rasping breath and attempts to steady himself. He opens up his connection to the force a little more, fully intending to release his emotions. It takes him a moment to realise these aren't _his_ feelings overwhelming him. 

_They're Cody's._

His legs are moving before his brain even catches up, and he walks and walks and walks. He doesn't know where he's going, and yet _he does_ , hood pulled tight against his face as sand whirls around him. 

Somehow, he is both surprised and not when he finds a staggering stormtrooper. He watches from a safe distance as the trooper stumbles and falls into the sand, failing to get up despite his futile efforts. A wave of foreboding grief washes over him, and he expects he knows who this being is despite the helmet masking his face.

He almost laughs at the cruelty of it all. 

More time passes, and the other makes no move to get up. In fact, Obi-Wan can't even tell if he's alive. It's only by brushing small and discrete tendrils against his Commander's mind that he can tell the other hasn't passed.

He sighs, suddenly weary. He has two options here. The first is merely walking away now, leaving the clone to face the elements. The second is progressing, risking the wrath of the chip's programming. Of Order 66. Either way, one of them will succumb. One of them will need to kill the other.

Or, perhaps there is a third option. One yet to be determined. One Obi-Wan has not foreseen yet. He is apparently gifted at that: missing essential details. In fact, one may argue he is somewhat of an expert.

He sighs again and presses forward, dropping to his knees beside the other. The armour's white plastoid is sticky due to the heat- clearly the Empire cares little about equipping their soldiers with proper equipment. He imagines Cody would have been horrified with such mediocre protection had he got a say. But he wouldn't have: his mind has been razed and defiled to the point of subornation. Armour quality is probably the last thing he thinks about. 

Back to the present, Obi-Wan raises his hands and finds the clasp of the helmet, taking a moment to calm his nerves before gently pulling it away. Looking now upon his Commander's face does he begin to laugh, desperate and devastated all in one. How cruel this all is, indeed. 

"Cody," he manages to say, his voice thin and wavering. He reaches into his cloak and produces a water sack, fumbling with the lid and pulling it off. The clone's face is red and flushed, his lips dry as if the planet has been draining the moisture from them. He looks near to death.

Slowly he pours water into the other's mouth, hands trembling with emotion. He could almost shake apart with it, the aching sense of failure returning. He lets it rise- up and up until he almost chokes on it, before taking a slow breath in. 

Holds it.

Then releases it into the force. 

His voice is steadier this time. "Cody."

Dark eyes blink open and meet his gaze.

"Am I…" The voice trails off, choked. Armoured hands reach out, and Obi-Wan flinches, watching them hesitantly. 

But the hands don't search for a blaster. They don't extend towards his neck. They simply reach out, searching. Seeking. The Jedi considers the hands for a moment and then presses the water skin into it. Fingers instantly curl around it, and he sits back on his ankles as he observes the other drink desperately. 

As his Commander is occupied with hydrating himself, he finds himself categorising the clone's injuries. Dehydration certainly: heatstroke, sun sickness, and sand welts. His mind is myriad with solutions and cures. He allows it to continue only a moment before snapping his attention back to the other.

Wide eyes stare at him.

"... Am I dead?"

Cody seems more lucid now, but despite his confusion, Obi-Wan takes a cautious step back (though he remains bend low, so he is not towering). Now that the other man is awake is when the real problems begin.

"No, you're not dead," he answers, his brow furrowed. Is it the sun sickness addling his mind, or something else? "Why are you here?"

"I'm going."

"Going where?"

"I…don't know. J-just going."

Obi-Wan quirks a brow at the response. He can feel, not so much as see the others crippling confusion. It rolls off him in waves, and he finds he doesn't even need to push into the man's mind at all to get a glimpse of pandemonium. That's not to say he can't outwardly see the other struggling either.

Over the years, he likes to imagine he got to know Cody pretty well. So well in fact, he has categorised the others every expression: when he is tired, when he is puzzled, when he is scared (although the last was a rarity he only saw twice, both when he had sustained injury. Perhaps he made them up altogether). Seeing all of these expressions merge on the clone's face now makes his stomach drop a little more than it already has. Something was happening, and it wasn't just the heatstroke. With the other's lack of recognition towards him, he supposes that this is how their encounter should remain. As if they are two strangers meeting and not two beings who spent almost four years together fighting a war. 

"You're sick. I could help you to find shelter until you know where you are going. Unless you want to travel to the nearest village and get medical attention from the Empire." The words almost caught in his throat, but he manages to push through.

Hands shoot out again, this time not looking for water, and Obi-Wan doesn't even have the chance to move before their gripping on his arm. He tenses, fingers curling into fists as he tries to gain his bearing. As he tries to prepare for an attack.

But no attack comes. Instead he is faced with the expression of a terrified man who looks like he's been sentenced to death.

"I can't go back. Please. Please, don't send me back." 

The reaction catches him by surprise. Out of all of the outcomes he had prepared for this meeting, he hadn't quite expected it to go this way. With his Commander denouncing the Empire. 

Obi-Wan struggles against the emotions of it all. He feels gentle buds of hope begin to blossom, which he pushes back down viciously: the man wants to get away from the Empire this much is obvious, but he doesn't seem to remember who he is. The more he ponders on it, the more he feels like it might be better for them if he doesn't at all.

"I have no love for the Empire; I won't report you," he replies placatingly, his eyes hooded by his cloak. "I can help you recover from the sun sickness, and then you can go to wherever it is you please. There are no empire patrols near my hut. You will not be discovered."

"... Alright," is the guarded reply. A moment passes, and then: "I'll go with you."

Obi-Wan regards the other, watching the indecision flitter on the other's face. He considers what kind of psychological trauma has caused this amnesia. If Cody has had a head injury, or if the chip is malfunctioning. Either way, it's obviously causing the clone some distress and the last thing he wants to do is push the other. There are too many variables to consider, and he didn't want to urge them in the _wrong_ direction.

He couldn't kill Cody if it came to it. He knew as much; he didn't have it in him. He never did then, and he doesn't now. 

"It's not that far, but the walk isn't going to be pleasant. You'll probably experience some vertigo and nausea. If you need a break, just let me know, but we are against time here." 

With that, he reaches down and wraps an arm around the other, pulling him up with relative ease. Time may have passed but he still trained. Once they have begun walking and their gaits stabilise, Obi-Wan finds it challenging to keep his gaze off the side of the other's face and he sighs, forcing himself to look towards the seemingly endless mounds of sand. Anakin would hate this place. The Jedi winces at the thought, trying to bring his mind back to the present. In fact…

"What should I call you? And please, do not give me a rank." 

The other man seems perplexed by this enquiry, his brows wrinkling in a way Obi-Wan typically found endearing. Now it just leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

"I…I've only ever been called CC-2224, Sir."

His walking physically stutters and halts a little at that, and he frowns unhappily. There it is, yet another reason to despise the Empire; their lack of humanity. For a moment, he finds himself fuming in it before he swallows, taking a painful breath and shakily exhaling his anger into the force. He has seen what it can do to the best of them, and he cannot afford to fall. 

"I'm not calling you that," he replies curtly, his shoulders tense. "Also, don't call me Sir. I'm not a military figure."

"I, uh... sometimes in the field, they call me '24 because it's just faster to say."

"I'm not calling you '24 either." 

Obi-Wan is somewhat aware he sounds sullen now but cannot stop himself when faced with a wave of distaste for the Empire. Tension seems to pass between them so heavy the former Jedi can almost feel it, and his fingers curl tighter and tighter until Cody stumbles over the air and the tension is broken. He sighs again then, reaching up with his spare hand to scrub it across his face. This is going to be more difficult than he imagined.

"You're a clone, aren't you? And didn't the clones accept Mando'a as their natural tongue? CC huh? How about I call you Kote?"

The questions filter out as if he knew none of this information, as if he didn't have in-depth and intimate knowledge of it. As if he didn't know the evolution of Cody's name. The name isn't so personal as to trigger the other (he hopes); it's been over ten years since the man would have been called it last. But it is close enough he doesn't feel entirely wrong calling him it, as selfish as that is. 

"Kote?" The other man repeats, as if contemplating the concept.

Obi-wan nods, his face hidden from view. "Kote."

There's another silence, this time extending long enough that he needs to check Cody hasn't actually fallen unconscious. He turns his head to search the other's face and finds his commander's gaze already on him. 

His throat tightens.

"Kote is…" Another pause. "Acceptable."

"Kote it is," he replies, dragging his gaze off of the other's face and towards the horizon.

They lapse into silence for the rest of their journey, the only sounds passing between them being Cody's rasping breathes of exertion and the sound of sand crunching beneath their boots. 

"What's your name?"

The question catches him somewhat by surprise, and Obi-Wan looks up, regarding the other's murky (but steady) gaze. For a brief moment, he aches at the need for a lie. He aches with the injustice of it all.

But then again, here he is, with the formations of another chance. A precious seed in a valley filled with dead flowers. He'd be a fool not to take the opportunity to watch it blossom. 

"Ben. My name is Ben."

"Ben," Cody repeats slowly like he's tasting the name on his lips.

Silence again. And then. "Thank you…Ben."

And for the first time since Obi-Wan arrived on Tatooine, he doesn't feel so alone.


	2. A reunion (of sorts)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy. 
> 
> Ive decided to make this story three chapters. Reasons for this being I am self-aware of my own shortcomings, and if I set myself up a task that's too daunting I simple won't...finish it. So I've picked a couple of my favourite idea's to write about. Thats not to say I won't write some (lets say) one shots in the future.
> 
> Time will tell, I guess. Just lemme know if that would be interesting.
> 
> Thank you to those who commented on my last chapter, it's really appreciated.  
> Hope you enjoy :)

Keeping himself occupied when his former Commander was unconscious on his bed was more challenging than Obi-Wan thought it would be.

Sometime between their hurried introductions (reunion?) in the desert and their long (and frankly exhausting) trek back to his hut, Cody had passed out. It took a great deal of manoeuvring and a liberal usage of the force to even carry the man, and it was dusk before they arrived home. Once they were finally surrounded by the safety his four walls provided, Obi-Wan had set the man down, getting to work to relieve the clone of his dreadful armour. The pieces piled up in the corner of his room one by one, and Obi-Wan tries to imagine a scenario where he had treated a _clone's_ armour with such disregard. He'd be getting cursed in mando'a certainly- perhaps a cuff to the back of the head from his more familiar circle. His lips quirk minutely at the imaginary despite the pit it creates in his stomach, and he turns his attention back to his task. Once Cody was stripped down to his blacks and the worst of the sand had been brushed away Obi-Wan had lifted him again, settling him on his bed then darting into the kitchen to retrieve more water and a cloth. After that, he had gotten to work, cleaning the clone's face as well as he could, wiping the fabric over his brow to clear away any lingering sand and sweat. By the end of his fretting, Cody looks less like a corpse and more like the man he remembers all too well. If Obi-Wan's fingers lingered slightly too long across the other's scar then well, who else was there to see.

It's days later when the suns have risen and set and risen again when Cody finally wakes up. Obi-Wan is so preoccupied with the book he had been reading that he almost misses it at first. But then, there it is again, a groan. He looks up and is instantly rendered breathless as he locks eyes with his Commander. In those brown eyes was the warmth of an everlasting hearth, as if they were the wood that could burn with golden flame yet be forever perfectly whole.

Obi-Wan never thought he'd see them again. He sits frozen, rooted to the spot as he simply drinks in the sight. But then Cody begins to push himself into a sitting position, and the trance is broken. He stands hastily, the book falling out of his lap and onto the ground with a thud as he rushes to cross the room.

"Hello there," Obi-Wan says softly, hand's hovering over the others form before dropping to his side in an aborted motion of movement. _Not quite, Cody_ , he needs to remind himself.

"Uh, 'llo," the man in question rasps, and Obi-Wan passes him a water sleeve off his belt (that he hasn't been carrying about for days in preparation for the other to wake up. Absolutely not.). The clone instantly starts gulping it down like he'll never have a chance again, like he'll die without it. There is a distant sense of alarm that Cody will actually drown himself if he keeps up that pace. The alarm sounds a lot like Kix.

"Slow down, or you'll be sick," Obi-Wan can't help but admonish, and the other freezes, looking up at his sheepishly. His drinking is more paced after that- his pinched appearance eventually levelling out into mild confusion.

"How…What happened?"

"What do you remember?"

"I was running. I…I had to leave." Cody seems distracted, like he can't quite decide what questions to ask. "How long was I out?"

"Two days."

"Two days!"

Obi-Wan is alarmed at the other's panicked tone. That is until the other begins to push himself up to stand, and the panic swiftly reforms into tepid consternation. He pushes down on the other's frame to still the attempted journey. "Whoa, calm down before you make yourself pass out again."

But Cody seems to be not so readily convinced. He nudges the hand off his shoulder and shakes his head, his eyes glazing over in a way that makes Obi-Wan moderately uncomfortable. He knows that look; he'd seen it every single day during the war. It's the look of a man who knows his time is up. "I can't- I need to get going. Two days is far too long to linger. They'll be looking for me."

Obi-Wan knows this, of course. He knows how the Empire works. He knows how they treat the clones. To them, Cody is nothing but a possession to utilise and disregard whenever they please. He is nothing but foot fodder. On the other hand, Cody also possesses a concrete knowledge of battle strategies as a Commander. An in-depth understanding of Jedi. His defection would not go unnoticed. They would look for him. Perhaps what they had not counted on was Obi-Wan anticipating this. "No one comes out this far."

"I have too much information. I've seen too much. They'll drag me back so they can silence me. I'm sorry I've dragged you into this. I should go; if they find me here, they'll kill you too."

"You seem to be basing this panic on the assumption they'll be looking for you."

"They will be. I just told you, I know too much."

"Strange. I was in town the day before last and appeared to stumble across a pile of storm trooper armour. It was covered in blood as if the trooper's body had been ravaged in the wasteland. I alerted the guards. Apparently, they found a deserter? Since I assume several soldiers are not suddenly renouncing the Empire, I would place a wager on them assuming you're dead."

"What. How did you…"

Obi-Wan waves away his question. "How did I what?" he answers innocently.

But Cody doesn't seem to quite so willing to let his explanation slide. "Why are you helping me?" he demands, eyes narrowed in suspicion. Always so suspicious, his Commander.

Weariness seeps into his bones then, and Obi-Wan sighs, feeling his lips curl in revulsion as he considers the question. "I have no love for the Empire. They took everything from me. If another being wants to escape their vile and wretched dogma, then I have no qualms helping them. In fact, I encourage it. In that regard, you are free to stay here for however long you need. I wasn't lying when I said patrols very rarely come out this far. It's perfectly safe. I just…I want to help _give_ in this universe where all anyone else seems to do is _take_."

Cody seems surprised by his venom and then touched by his generosity.

"I…thank you," he murmurs, swallowing thickly.

Obi-Wan waves away his gratitude again, feeling somewhat bashful at the praise. As if he's some kind of martyr saving a fleeing soldier and not a man so fixated on his past he's clinging to any remnants he can find. "You're welcome," he responds, and then tilts his head as a question comes to him, spontaneous and entirely pressing.

"I am curious about something, however."

"…Go on."

"Is it true the clones served under the Jedi?"

He knows the answers to this, of course. But there is a small and still completely reeling part of himself within wants to hear what the other has to say. What he knows and what he can remember. _Why he wasn't enough to help override the control_.

"The Jedi were traitors," Cody replies instantly, but his tone doesn't sound as confident as his rapid response rate. In fact, Obi-Wan would go as far as to suggest that Cody sounds hesitant, like the words spilled from his mouth before he even had time to process them.

All the same, the remark is like a dagger to the heart and it takes every fibre of his training not to visually react. He breathes in, holds it, then pushes the air back out through his teeth. "Ah. I wouldn't know. I'm but a simple man making a living for myself out here. Please excuse my curiosity; it was not meant to be quiet so direct," he manages to get out, sounding only distantly winded.

"I-I'm a good soldier. I mean, I _was_ a good soldier. I followed my orders, and...and I helped bring peace to the galaxy." There is more uncertainty. "B-but I think my time serving the Empire is up. I done my duty, I served my time."

Cody is clearly struggling with something internally, his jaw clenching in a way that indicated inner turmoil. There is also a vague tremor to his frame. Obi-Wan could kick himself for his grave lack of judgment.

He scrambles for a way to soothe the other's misery. "Your times up? Does that entail the Empire providing retirement plans now? That's good to know," he deadpans, hoping to elevate some of the tension. Hoping to move on the conversation to something lighter. Hoping to help soothe the torment radiating off the clone.

It seems to work.

Cody stares at him for a long and agonising moment before a smile quivers his lips and he ducks his head. "If retirement is another word for decommissioning, then sure."

"Ah. That sounds horrible. I'm sorry."

The clone shrugs as if to say, 'what can you do.' It's the same long-suffering trivialisation he used to use in briefings where he would need to justify a mission after he'd been partnered with Rex and the 501st. "It's in the past now. But if it's all the same to you, I'd like to stop talking about the sith-fuckers now and indefinitely."

"I'm sure that can be arranged."

And from then on, a routine is established (although the process is not linear). For some time, Cody had seemed determined to stride out on his own, affirming that he did not want to impose. Obi-Wan found himself absolutely nauseated at the prospect, and it had taken some honeyed words and gentle persuasions to eventually convince the other to stay. After all, in the end, he had nowhere else to go. His home was gone, his brothers gone. His _vod._ Just like Obi-Wan's. In the end, they were simply two beings, intertwined by their shared solidarity. Haunted by their ghosts.

It's not perfect. Some day's Obi-Wan languishes in torment to be so close to one he used to hold so dear (who has no recollection who he is). But on days like this:

_("Little short for a Stormtrooper."_

_"Too much sass for a lonely hermit." A pause. "Enough self-loathing, however. You could write an instruction manual on it: how to mope- the ins and out brooding."_

_"I do not 'mope,'"_

_"Really? Tell that to your petted lip. Surprised you haven't fallen over it yet.")_

On days like this, Obi-wan appreciates the companionship over the soul-destroying loneliness of Tatooine all the same.

***

Finding time to meditate and practice his forms when he's trying not to alert his former clone commander of their origins is somewhat of a challenge for Obi-Wan.

As the weeks turn into months, a routine of sorts has been established. In the earliest hours of the afternoon, when the suns are their coolest, Obi-Wan wanders into the desert. To begin, Cody had never asked where he went at all, merely following him with his eyes curiously as he left. However, as time progressed, and they became more familiar with one another, the clone had vocalised his interest into where he was disappearing.

"Oh, errands in Mos Doba," he replies one day.

"Ah. There's a market place in Mos Eisley that sells the most exquisite tea," he laments another.

"Mos Elrey."

"Mos Entha."

"Mos Pelgo."

The lies begin to fall off his tongue naturally – part of their routine- and it only occurs to him when he returns one day that Cody hadn't asked him where he was going. Approaching his home, he catches sight of the man. The clone is sitting with his back against the hut, a book in his lap and his eyes shaded from oppressive light cast above. He looks somewhat miffed.

"Where do you go? When you disappear."

Obi-Wan sighs internally. Yet another lie to spin, then. Sometimes he feels like it's all he's good for now. "To Mos Eisley. I've mentioned this before."

Cody isn't convinced. "No, you didn't. Not today. And Mos Eisley is North. You went East."

"You…Have you been watching me?"

"What else is there to watch, out here. You're the only interesting thing."

He blushes, despite the rising sense of anxiety building in his chest.

"So, where are you going?" Cody repeats, book forgotten as he leans forward in his chair. "You go to get tea, yet you often return with none. You travel to towns that I know for a fact do not have much of any markets. You forget I was stationed here."

Obi-Wan doesn't need to be a force user to know the other is annoyed: it's as clear as a spring day on Naboo. He can see it in the set of the other man's jaw, in the narrowing of his eyes. He can see it with the way he's sitting, back straight and shoulder narrowed. He can see it in the slight twitching of dark fingers, where they once would have curled around a helmet decorated in gold.

His heart aches bitterly at the distant familiarity of it all.

The silence has extended into an uncomfortable lull, and Obi-Wan knows already this is not an argument he can play the diplomat for. He knows Cody too well, and too intimately. The clone's memories of their time together may be gone, but his core characteristics are not. And stubbornness is a trait the man had obviously retrieved from his Mandalorian donor.

Sighing again - out loud this time- Obi-Wan pulls his hood down. He's tired of lying. He's _tired_ , full stop. This whole charade is more exhausting than he could have possibly imagined, and knowing what he can and cannot say is like navigating a minefield with force suppressors. He knows the stakes of it all, of course. With the uncertainty of what is causing Cody's amnesia, he cannot- he **_will not_** \- risk the chip's activation again. But perhaps he can make his life a little bit easier.

"I...my brother was involved heavily in the Clone Wars. He and his wife both died as a result."

The words spill out of his mouth before he's even comprehended them, and Obi-Wan almost staggers at the intensity of the pain they cause in his chest. He is vaguely aware of the others' quick flash of concern and hands reaching out towards him, but the dam has opened, and he cannot stop now. Mustafar smoke is burning his lungs, and he can taste ash on his lips; he can feel the lick of flames at his skin. He hears a women's cry, and he smell's the terrible smoldering of human flesh.

I hate you.

_I hate you._

**_I hate you._ **

Fingers brush away tears he didn't realise were falling and Obi-Wan blinks, flinching away. But the other doesn’t let him away that easy, and soon two hands force his unfocused eyes forward. He blinks again and is met with a look of such gentle concern his eyes grow wet anew.

"Breathe," Cody tells him.

Was he holding his breath? Obi-Wan frowns, not quite comprehending. He feels slow and lethargic, like his head is underwater. There is a ringing in his ears which fills his senses, grating on every fibre of his being. Black fog rises in the edges of his vision, and he begins to hear whispering voices from within.

"Breathe," Cody repeats, and the sound of his voice cuts through the fog.

"Breathe," Cody says firmly for the third time.

He obeys.

Air fills his lungs and he reaches up to ground himself, clutching at the first tangible object he can find (which just so happens to be Cody's forearms). He centres himself on the sensation, squeezing his eyes shut as he quivers against the oppressive chill of the evening.

And deep down, despite his best wishes, he knows it has nothing to do with the climate of Tatooine. Taking one last steadying breath, he opens his connection to the force. Disorder greets him. Obi-Wan spins, disorientated. At the edges of his unconsciousness – at the furthest and more repressed corners of his mind- darkness has began to fray his walls. He gasps at the sight of it, and the fog seems to _look_ at him. He stares back, feeling apprehension swell.

_How had he let this happen?_

He attempts to steady himself- arms extended, and fingers splayed- fully intending to banish the oppressive and suffocating presence at the expanses of his mind.

This is roughly around the time the whispering starts, and he loses all essence of being. All track of reality. They spin him honey-sweet promises of anything he wants. He sees little tabloes all of his most heavily repressed desire.

He sees his Master laughing, a delighted smile plastered across his face as he cuts Obi-Wan's Padawan braid. "I'm so proud of you," Qui-Gon says, and the scene moves on.

He sees Satine then: face relaxed and hair loose in a way she frequented in her youth, her expression earnestly sweet. "I wish we had just left when we could," she whispers, and then she's gone.

He sees Anakin, and Padme: the former bouncing a giggling child on his knee. He looks down and in his arms is another (he would know Luke's eyes anywhere), and Padme radiates motherly beauty as she plucks Luke from his embrace. "Uncle Obi-Wan needs to go, sweetheart. Aunty Ahsoka has her trials next week, and you know now that Daddy has left the Order that Uncle Obi is completing her training," she explains, and then:

"Obi-Wan," Cody says (Obi-Wan, not Ben. And Cody, not Kote), his voice barely a whisper. He rushes forward to meet him desperately and pulls the other in for a passionate kiss. "Where have you been? I was scared I'd lost you, Cyare." He reaches out to meet him, to pull him back, and then:

You can have it all, the voice's promise. Power. Status. Freedom. _Love_. You can have it.

He floats towards them, entranced. This is the closest he's ever been to falling. This; on a random night on the sand planet that started it all. This is the closest he's ever been. And yet something niggles at him, an itch at the back of his mind. He's missing something, something important.

Something crucial.

There. He finds it. Examines it. Let's resolve flow over him. He remembers what is important. He remembers now. He remembers what is real. And it's not the sirens song of what could have been. It's of what he has now. A ward that needs protecting, and a clone who was no else in the world but him.

_"No," he tells the shadow and doubles down against the tide of its anger._

_"No?" it howls, furious. Incandescent with rage. Frenzied. Ravenous. Dark._

_"_ ** _NO,"_** he declares, and for the first time since the order fell he tears open his walls entirely and lets the light flood in.

By the time he has finished banishing the dark, the lingering glow of the suns is gone, and he faintly realises Cody has settled them down on the bench. A blanket is draped loosely over his shoulders. His fingers find the edge of the material and he fiddles with a loose string, feeling utterly spent.

"Ben? Are you with me?" Cody asks, vague hesitation in his tone.

"Yes, I…I am now. I'm sorry. Sometimes I just…"

Cody cuts him off, shaking his head. "Don't. It's okay; you don't need to explain yourself to me."

In his expression, something tells Obi-Wan that he will need to explain himself, however, at some point. One day. But not right now. He is grateful for the drop of topic. He doesn't think he could spin another falsehood right now.

A somewhat comfortable sort of stillness settles between them, and Obi-Wan feels himself grow fatigued. He slowly lists to the side, pressing himself shoulder to shoulder with the other man. If Cody is uncomfortable with the arrangement, he doesn't say, and a moment later he feels gentle fingers extend and begin petting his hair soothingly.

It feels nice, and he hums contently. "They left behind a son. He's with his other uncle, on a moisture farm not too far from here. I swore with my last dying breath that I would look after him. So that is what I'm doing."

Cody's hands pause for a moment at his revelation before picking up again. His Commander had always been good at taking things in his stride. "Is that why you stay here? By yourself, on this hell-hole of a planet. Is this self-punishment?" Cody asks gently. So gently that Obi-Wan almost doesn't hear him.

"Yes," he replies, just as quietly.

"Because your brother died?"

"Yes," Obi-Wan repeats, and he manages a smile so filled with sorrow he is sure he could actually die from it.

A silence lapses again, and he exhales in exhaustion.

"That's why you stay here, as well," Obi-wan states into the quiet, looking out towards the dunes. Wind picks grains of sand up and he watches them dance in the breeze.

"Hmm?"

"Self-punishment, isn't it? For what happened to the Jedi. To your own brothers."

As soon as the words leave his mouth Obi-Wan regrets them. He had just felt so raw, so tired of the lies that he wanted to skip all of this middle ground and just drop this whole performance. He wanted Cody to acknowledge their history. He wanted his friend back. But it is selfish of him to project all these feelings, and his throat tightens in guilt as he feels the clones stiffen beside him.

But then Cody sighs, sounding as painstakingly drained as Obi-Wan feels.

"Yes," he says, echoing Obi-Wans simplistic reply from earlier. What else is there to say, really.

Obi-Wan pats his back. "On this hell-hole of a planet."

"On this hell-hole of a planet."

And then suddenly they're both laughing- loud and unfiltered and hysterical- clinging to each other. Obi-Wan feels hands grip onto his arms and he grasps back, and there are someone's tears on his tunic but he isn't sure who's. It's not the release he wanted deep down, but it's one that's real and theirs.

They stay like that, curled together on that damned porch in this hell-hole of a planet, and for the first time in a long time, Obi-Wan feels like he might eventually be okay.

***

At some point, it gets easier to think about _Cody_ as _'Kote_.' He knows, in his heart, he will always cherish memories of his Commander. _His Commander_ , who followed him into battle with nothing but an eye roll and a vague quirk at the corner of his mouth. _His Commander_ , who poured over battle strategies with him for hours and forced food into his hands at random intervals. _His Commander_ , who had a vaguely concerning caff addiction, and such gentle devotion in his eyes that it made Obi-Wan's knees go weak.

But he also cherished what he had now with Kote. He cherishes the early mornings spent sipping tea as they watched the suns rise. He cherishes the blistering afternoons where they travelled into Mos Elrey; where he would watch the clone swipe fruit off a slavers stall with all the dexterity of a loth cat, considering it for a moment before gently passing it to the nearest child. He cherishes the evenings where they would curl up together, sharing a blanket to chase away the chill of the desert nights. Where he would read stories from his book and they would watch the stars, wondering how they could look so calm in a world that only knew chaos.

"Why did you desert?" Obi-Wan asks one night, the question passing his lips unbidden. They're lying in the cooling sand, passing a bottle of alcohol between them as they watch the suns set in the distance. His cheeks flush under its influence, and Obi-Wan feels more relaxed than he has in a long time.

Kote's hands still where they had been pulling frayed material from the edge of his cloak. "I…I don't know how to explain it."

"You don't have to if you don't want to talk about it. I was merely curious," Obi-Wan reassures softly, semi-distracted as he traces the label of the bottle.

After all this time, he still didn't know the answer to this question. Sure, Kote's chip had malfunctioned enough that he was no longer under its direct control. But the clone still didn't remember who he was. Who he had _been_. Obi-Wan was simply curious about why the man had left the protection of subordination and left, despite knowing the consequences of him doing so. How much he knew, deep down.

"No. No, it's okay. I…I was having dreams. Does that sound insane?" Kote's gaze is distant and dazed when he looks up.

Obi-Wan suddenly feels terribly selfish for pushing, despite the swell of interest he experiences at the mention of dreams. He sighs, lifting his head up from where it's cushioned on his robe and sitting, settling the flask between his boots to steady it.

"No, It doesn't. I'm sorry for asking though, that was terribly nosy."

But Kote doesn't seem to be done talking. The other man sits as well, leaning over to swipe the bottle from between his feet. He takes a long pull, and Obi-Wan watches his throat work as the liquid slides down, entranced. When he drags his gaze away, it meets the vaguely amused expression of the other.

It's cold tonight, but his face burns anyway.

"You know, it's funny. You remind me of a man in those dreams."

"Oh?" Obi-Wan manages to say, feeling winded. "Tell me about them."

And Kote does. He tells him about a faceless man- a high general- leading him into battle. He tells him about quiet mornings on a battleship, the smell of caff and blaster grease almost tangible. He tells him about running after his general, picking up a weapon he can't quite describe but knows it extraordinarily precious. He tells him about a mission on some backwater planet, surrounding at every angle by mountains. The enemy is dead behind him, and his comm pings with new orders.

"The man falls, because of me. I kill him."

Kote's story appears to be finished then, and the look on his face is so bitterly devastated that Obi-Wan's finger twitch with the need to soothe away the lines of his furrowed brow. There is not a moment of hesitation as he pulls the other man close, hoping to provide comfort. His gesture seems to be appreciated, and Kote clings on tightly as if he would shake away if he never. The embrace lasts for a beautiful (but far too short) moment and then they both pull back, sitting so close that Obi-Wan can see the amber flecks in Kote's eyes. Time seems to slow, and the Jedi can hear nothing but ringing in his ears and feel nothing but his heart pulsing, beating so fast he's sure it'll burst through his rib cage.

Obi-Wan doesn't even spare another moment to think before he surges forward.

Their lips met, and for a long moment Kote is frozen beneath him. Obi-Wan immediately begins to pull back, fearing he's gravely mistaken this growing connection between them. Perhaps it was a mistake. Attachment leads to the dark, and although there are no Jedi masters left to chastise him now, he still feels the crushing sense of responsibility to at least try and upkeep the code.

Or did he?

Because when the heat of another body crashes into his -when a mouth presses back against his own- all senses of formality seems to fall away.

All resolve he ever built up shatters.

Kote's lips brush his; softly, delicately -like butterfly wings- just long enough that he could inhale his breath, feel the warmth of his skin, and the taste of tea and alcohol lingered far after she had gone.

A gap is created between them then, and they blink, huffing out little gasps of breath. There's another shrinking moment then they're moving again, and Obi-Wan kisses Kote like he's always wanted to kiss him -like the way he'd always imagined. It's soft and featherlight; hot and breathy. There are no attempts at winning a battle but simply two beings seeking union and closeness and sharing one breath, one sensation, one timeless and passionate moment. The growing heat rises in his cheeks as Kote's tongue slips into his mouth, quick and electric and delicious, then firmer, more determined, more curious about the heat that lay within, seeking to chase down that elusive liquid lightning that reached through both of them.

Obi-Wan can do nothing but hang on for the ride, and he arches into curious hands that are pushing against the material of his tunic. This seems to excite the other if the somewhat primal growl that reverbs in his mouth has anything to say about it, and Kote straddles his hips and pushes _down_. Obi-Wan gasps at the friction, arms wrapping around the other's back and clenching the material there between his fingers. Above him, Kote laughs, and it sounds like gentle chimes and birdsong; like pure bliss and radiance. It's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard.

It's perfect. Everything is perfect, and Obi-Wan could burst with the happiness he feels.

"Cody," he whispers. The name escapes him, unbidden and unfiltered. Raw and real.

He's not even aware he said it- not truly- until Kote is pulling away from him. Obi-Wan blinks at the sudden change in pace and is greeted with such a look of quiet devastation he suddenly feels like he's been punched in the gut. He would take all the pain inflicted during the war if it meant he would never have to see Kote look at him like that again.

' _How strange_ ', he thinks wildly, ' _to be caught in a love triangle with the same person_.'

"I was right. I knew I reminded you of another brother. I knew it. You always watched me with such familiarity. At first, I rationalised it as you being over-friendly. As you simply lashing out at the Empire in any way you could. But then you mentioned your bother was in the war, and I knew you would have had to have met a clone then. So, who was he? You clearly loved him. Enough so to try and replace him with another."

Kote has stood by now and is pacing in front of him. It's only after a moment of watching him march back and forth that Obi-Wan realises he's still sprawled on the floor. He rushes to stand, his tunic hanging off at an awkward angle where hands had been only moments ago. Staggering in his haste, he is distinctly aware that if anyone who ever knew him could see him right now would, they would say he looked like a shambles. Like he looked unhinged and scrapped raw.

' _But they can't; they're all_ dead,' a voice within says, harsh and resentful. ' _They're all dead and you're about to lose the only human in this entire universe that you have left.'_

"I…" Obi-Wan's voice catches, and he feels wetness develop in his eyes. "He's no one. Please, it was a slip of the mouth."

Kote's lip curls in response. "Cody. Cody. Everything is about _Cody_. His name was the first thing you called me when we met and it's what you call me now. Don't insult my intelligence by telling me he was no one; he's clearly something to you!"

The clone continues his agitated journey, walking back and forth in tight formations. At some point he had kicked over the bottle from earlier and it spills between them onto the dry sand.

Obi-Wan drops his gaze and watches the liquid seep into the earth, unable to tear his eyes away from it. Or, to be more precise, unable to look the other in the eyes. He had seen the angry curl on the man's face during his rant, and that was enough. It was enough that he knew he was about to be alone yet again (to be abandoned). He didn't need to watch it happen. An almost oppressive silence seems to settle in the space between them, so heavy that it feels like a tangible thing. Like one could drown in it.

But then Kote sighs, and the stillness dissipates.

Obi-Wan doesn't even need to look up at him to know uncertainty is written all over his features; he can feel it roll off the other in waves. Uncertainty and pain. Apparently, that is all Obi-Wan is good at bringing to those he cares about.

"Who was he?" Kote repeats, fainter this time.

 _You._ Obi-Wan wants to say. It's you. It _was_ you, and _it is_ you now. It has always been you.

But he doesn't. The consequences are too severe (too unknown), and he doesn't want to lose what he has now. He can't lose Kote. He can't.

"He was…" A pause. Obi-Wan considers what to say next. Lie's automatically formulate in his head and he goes to pluck one from its web. But then he thinks about it; really considers it, and then he feels nothing but fatigue settle over him. Like if he has to front one more deception, he'll suffer from it. He'll fade from it.

Obi-Wan looks down at his hands and counts from three. "Everything. He was everything."

Kote doesn't reply, but when Obi-Wan raises his gaze to meet his eyes, his brows are raised in a way Obi-Wan always understood as ' _go on_.' His chest clinches.

"We met during the Clone Wars. He was my second in Command. We fought together for three years."

"You told me you weren't military," Kote probes, frowning.

"Yes, I did. I'm sorry."

"So you lied. Again" It's not a question. It's a statement.

Obi-Wan winces. "You _were_ a stormtrooper. I… I knew you didn't want anything more to do with fighting. I didn't want to scare you off. I just wanted to leave it all behind me. Everything; the pain. The failure. I just want to live now, in this life. I don't want to relive my last."

Kote is quiet for a long moment, and when he eventually looks up his expression is vulnerable. "Do you even love me? Or am I always going to be a pale imitation of the man you can't have," he asks, his voice taking on a melancholic lilt.

Somewhere deep down, a hysterical part of Obi-Wan is laughing. His Commander, finally admitting his feelings after all of this time. And it's as a result of getting jealous of _himself_. But the more sensible and self-preserving part aches to soothe the others hurt. He reaches out and takes hold of the clone's hand. When Kote doesn't pull away from him immediately, he links together their fingers, raising the other's hand and pressing a kiss to the surface of the skin there.

"I never told him that I loved him. Before he was taken from me," he remarks somewhat miserably.

"Ben…"

Obi-Wan waves away his concern. "I'll always love him, yes. He was a massive part of my life; it would be impossible to stop loving him. But that doesn't mean I can't love you as well. Doesn't mean I don't love you."

Kote's expression goes through the motions as if he isn't quite sure how to process the news. He looks stupefied, and then desolated. Flustered and then serene. His emotions cycle until finally a hesitant sort of delirium settles over his features. "I… how do I know you're not lying again?"

"I won't make the same mistake twice. Please. I may have hidden my past from you, but I've never hidden my feelings. They're the only real part of me, now. I swear, I won't keep anything more." Obi-Wan sighs. "If you…If you want to leave, I would understand why, however."

"Okay."

"Okay?" Obi-Wan queries hesitantly, heart in his mouth.

"Okay," Kote repeats, his expression smoothing into something almost tranquil. "I'll stay. But no more half-truths and fabrications, yes? We do this with honesty. You're not some general of an army anymore, and I'm not some soldier obeying every order. We're free now, and we can be whatever we want to be. And we can start this journey by being honest with each other."

Obi-Wan's knees almost go weak with relief. "…Okay."

"Any other truth bombs you want to tell me?" Kote adds, his inquisitive tone breaking through the euphoric buzzing which has started in his ears.

Obi-Wan considers that. He has laid bare his battle-damaged heart, giving Kote more of himself than he has any other being in the planet. All he has left to reveal is the truth about his origins. But as he considers it, he arrives at the conclusion that it no longer matters. The order (his friends) are gone. There is nothing at stake if he lets the _Jedi_ part of him die along with the rest of them. After all, no one is looking for him anymore. High General Obi-Wan Kenobi is dead, killed by his faithful Commander. Ben Kenobi exists now, but a simple man striving for a quiet life with his beloved. He wants to open a new chapter without his fingers in the last.

"No, my dear. I think that about covers it," Obi-Wan responds, reaching out to pull the other in for a hug. Their arms clasp around each other, chests pressed flat as they embrace. It feels like the most natural place in the world, in Kote's arms. It feels like home.

The subject is dropped, and time fades away.

***

However, as all things tend to go in Obi-Wan's life, the little bubble of happiness he has managed to salvage for himself shatters.

The morning had started out normal.

They had fallen asleep tangled together, Obi-Wan's chest pressed flat against Kote's back. Both had been sated and sleepy, curling around each other. At some point during the night they must have shifted apart.

Sunshine spills in the window of the hut, illuminating the room with its radiance. Obi-Wan hums contently and turns, reaching out to catch some of the other's warmth. His fingers find an empty space where his partner should be lying however; the sheets cool to the touch. No one's been lying there for a while.

Confusion makes his brow draw together and he opens his eyes, squinting blearily to see where his beloved is gone.

Across the room Kote is holding his lightsaber in his hand, his expression closed off and carefully blank.

Obi-Wan's body instantly goes cold with dread, and he felt his stomach flip. _His lightsaber_. He had hidden it months ago, in a box under the floorboards. He should have just buried the thing in the sand when he had the chance. "Kote..." he begins nervously, his voice catching in his throat. His feet move, not so much controlled by him but by sheer adrenaline, swinging off of the bed and taking a half-aborted step forward before stilling. He finds he can't make them advance any closer; they are frozen to the spot.

"Kote," he tries again, desperately, and is immediately silenced by a raised palm. 

"You told me there would be no more lies."

"I…it's not like that. Kote, please…"

"You're one of _them_!" Kote snarls, raising his lightsaber. The clone trembles as he looks at it, his knuckles white with the intensity of their grip. Indecision seems to flit across his features as he observes the once precious relic (Cody had a clip on his belt for this very weapon) before they settle into a maddening sort of betrayal. The fingers curl and then Kote audibly snarls, flying the hilt towards him with force.

Obi-Wan catches it instinctively and then lets it fall to the floor with a clatter. His past is gone; perhaps it's time he stops clinging to it. "Kote…"

"No! I've had enough of your excuses. Your _lies_. All of this is a kriffin sham, isn't it? I'm just here for you to cling onto your miserable, wretched past. I'm just a clone who looked like your last to fuck, aren't I? Kote. _Kote_. That's just another way to call me **_Cody_** , isn't it? A Jedi who was so pathetically attached than when my brothers realised how traitorous and vile your kind was, you just had to create some sick little fantasy out here. I may as well be CC-2224 to you because I'm nothing but a number. _Aruetii_. "

During Kote's rant, bile had risen in Obi-Wans stomach and a ringing had started in his ears. Once, a long time ago, Anakin had described to him how it felt when he thought Padme was going to leave ( _him_ was the unspoken word at the time, and really, that should have been a sign but he let it go, as he always had). His Padawan had explained it like experiencing an out of body experience- as if he was aware his psychical form was still there but numbed. He was aware of his surrounding but felt like his consciousness had been _pulled_ out of him and that he was floating. Obi-Wan hadn't understood at the time, not truly. He does now. Nothing could get worse than this.

"You promised me you wouldn't lie to me anymore. Everyone I know lies; the Empire and now you. I thought you were different. I thought you actually cared for me. I thought you loved me. I-I thought…"

Correction; nothing can get worse than this _now_. Kote's words are so raw, so pained and devastated and broken that Obi-Wan can't even look at him. He doesn't think he'll be able to look at him again if he is subject to such a look. He'd rather run himself through with his own weapon than ever experience this again.

Silence ascends. Obi-Wan sucks in an agonising breath and braces for more words. More punishment he deserves.

But Kote isn't speaking anymore. In fact, his presence in the force seems to have diminished into nothing more than a faint spec.

Obi-Wan drags his gaze up then and gasps at the sight.

The other man is clutching his head with one hand, skin a sickly shade of white. Beads of sweat have formed across his forehead and even from across the room, Obi-Wan can see his trembling. He looks incandescently ill. He looks close to death.

"Kote!" he exclaims, racing across the space between them. His self-loathing and agony seem to float away and he has one singular focus now: aid the other in any way he can and then face the consequences later.

Obi-Wan reaches out when he steps in front of the other. Despite their fight Kote reaches back, disorientated and confused. His brows are drawn together and his mouth seems to move silently, like his lips are trying to form words. They work like this for a moment, and Obi-Wan pushes the other's chin up so he can look into his eyes. Check his pupils. Do _anything_.

Their gazes meet, and Kote's eyes widen.

"Obi-Wan," the man gasps, clutching onto him with a vice-like grip.

 _Obi-Wan_. His name, Kote said his name.

"Cyare," the clone repeats. His force signature shifts and then it is not Kote he is looking at. Not anymore.

Familiar eyes meet his, and Obi-Wan tenderly caresses the side of his face in wonderment. This is the exact moment when everything seems to go from worse to horrifyingly awful. Cody sinks to his knees and Obi-Wan sinks with him, frantically palming the side of his face. His pulse point. His chest. Anywhere he can, searching for a solution. A way to help. Literally anything he can to try and ease this useless feeling that's building inside of him.

"Cody, hold on. I'll help you," he manages, his voice heavy with emotion. He blinks and tears spill down his cheeks and onto the others face.

" _I Found you_ ," Cody whispers once more, reaching up to wipe away the moisture. Obi-Wan leans into the touch and the other's hand lingers for a moment. Then they drop as his eyes slip close and the seizure begins.

"Cody. Cody!"

"No, Force. Please, No. Not him, not him. _Not him_."

"Cyare!"

"Cody."

" _Cody!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in Spain without the S.


	3. A reunion (in completion)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the wait. Finally managed to motivate myself to finish this sucker. Done not bad from a one shot, huh?
> 
> Hope you all enjoy :)

It's been two days since their fight. Two days since Cody gained his memory back and collapsed into his arms, eyes rolling and neck tensed in a terrible seizure. Obi-Wan had initially been distraught, and the force was grossly misused on multiple occasions as he manoeuvred his Commander across the room and onto his bed, levitating the medical supplies from the chest by his drawers within reaching distance. It wasn't an option to collect a medic no matter how much his initial instinct was to do so– if the Empire found them, then a fit would be the least of their worries. Instead he had done his best to swallow down his fear, allowing the force and his rudimentary knowledge of first aid to try and stabilise Cody's worryingly erratic brain activity. It was no small process, but after a great deal of bone chilling panic on Obi-Wan's part, the clone's vitals had stabilised and he had fallen into a steady slumber.

Sleep did not find Obi-Wan so well. On the first night he had paced the length of their home, craning his neck to observe the other every time he heard breathing so much as change a millisecond in pattern. As time melts away however and Cody's readings get stronger and more consistent his concern too abates, and on the second night he allows himself to rest, taking a seat in a chair by the bed. He sinks into it tiredly, slumping forward so he can rest his head in his hands.

Obi-Wan is tired. Since the events of Mustafar, he cannot recall a moment when he felt such a violent change in emotions coming in such a short period. First, upset and fear at their ensuing argument- fear that Kote would leave him; leave him alone in the desert to spend the rest of his days a shadow of his former self. Then, that fear had morphed into disbelief and sheer exuberation- such elation that his Commander, his best friend and closest confident had returned to him by some blessed sort of miracle. This elation had been short-live and then the dread had kicked in- so much so it felt like a physical weight on his shoulders. They bow under its exertion and he sighs into his cupped hands, dragging his fingers down his face to settle on his beard, stroking it pensively as he tries to motivate himself to begin a sorely needed meditation. Or perhaps a sonic shower.

As he lifts his body out of the chair to move however, a low groan reverberates around the room and Obi-Wan freezes, swivelling wide eyed to the other.

A bleary gaze meets his own.

"Cody!" He exclaims, a relieved smile instantly finding its way onto his face.

Obi-Wan reaches out and the smile slips away as Cody immediately flinches away from his hand, anxiety and shame rolling off him in waves.

"Please don't," the clone whispers, his face flushed and eyes downcast.

Obi-Wan is confused by the sequence of events, his fingers twitching uselessly by his side.

"Cody?" he asks hesitantly, the question weighted with numerous meanings. _Are you okay? What's wrong? Why are you so afraid?_

When there is no response he edges forward, tongue wetting his lips in a nervous gesture Qui-Gon had stamped out of him twenty years back. His fingers twitch again and he slowly reaches out for a second time, hoping to provide any sort of comfort to the other. This proves to be a tactic which he failed to consider clearly.

Instantly his hands are swatted away. Cody attempts to push himself out of bed, his brow drawn and breathe coming in distressed pants that remind Obi-Wan vaguely of an overheating loth-cat. 

" _Don't touch me,_ " Cody hisses, curling in on himself as his efforts to stand fail and he flops back onto the bed.

"Okay. Okay. Hands are here," Obi-Wan responds gently, raising his open palms in demonstration. He is still confused, but he knows this is a delicate situation and he doesn't want to misstep. To emphasise his compliance with providing space, he even takes an exaggerated step back. Perhaps Cody is still somewhat scared of him, he considers. He assumes there must be some lingering effects of the chip, and the lingering effects in Cody's might be fear of Jedi. He is trying to formulate a way to broach this possibility when the other finally speaks.

"I…I'll get out of your hair, Sir. Right away."

His confusion reaches new limits. "What? Cody, what are you talking about?"

"I could go back to Kamino, see if I can help any stragglers."

"Cody…"

"It's the least I can do; to get the Vode out. And then after that I should turn myself in for decommissioning."

"Cody!" Obi-Wan snaps, reaching out for the third time to catch the other's chin, tilting his downcast gaze to meet his own. He is met with glassy eyes and a look of shame so all-consuming Obi-Wan flinches.

"I shot you down. _I shot you down_ , don't you understand. You just don't understand. I can't stay here. I failed. I had one mission; one objective- keep you alive and keep my vode safe and I tried to kill you and my vode are all gone. I didn't deserve to be Marshal Commander and I don't deserve your forgiveness."

His commanders' emotions are so turbulent and dark; it's like a physical strain weighing him down. Obi-Wan feels abhorrently horrified that a man with so much passion, honour and valour could be made to feel so low. For a brief second, he feels a spark of fury for Palpatine; this is another person he loves that the sith has hooked his claws into- took away his spark and replaced it with fear and despair. He uses the fury he feels and channels it into something else- determination to make the other see how wrong he is.

" ** _You_** never done anything. You were _made_ to."

Cody laughs bitterly. "Oh no, sir. That's where you're wrong. It was me, there was no one else to blame but me. It was by my orders men operated that machine gun, not the chancellors."

"But Cody…"

"No."

"You never…"

This time it is Cody who raises his hands, and it is a plead for the other to stop talking. Obi-Wan watches in growing distress as a tear slips down the clone's cheek; as his jaw clenches in the tell-tale way he had learned meant his Commander was absolutely determined to be stubborn on something. "Please, Obi-Wan. If you ever cared for me you'd just leave me alone right now."

He wants to argue. He wants to stay and wipe away the other's tears and soothe his hurt. He wants to explain the chip to him and let him know he had not a single ounce of responsibility for what had transpired. He wants to curl around the other man and never let him go away.

He wants to, but that isn't what Cody needs right now.

Obi-Wan sighs wearily but nods his head in concession. "Okay Cody, as you wish. I'll be outside if you need anything."

There is no response, but Obi-Wan didn't expect there to be. He turns on his heels and grabs his cloak from its hook, sparing a moment to pull it around his shoulders. As he does so, he chances a glance back and catches sight of the clone curling in on himself, shoulders shaking that could be from sheer emotion or from tears.

Obi-Wan's heartaches and he no longer wishes to consider the reasoning. He steps outside into the blazing sun and looks out into the expanse of the sand in front of him. Grains dance in the wind and find their way onto his shoulder. He brushes them off absentmindedly and sighs; Anakin was right about one thing- sand is irritating. 

The thought only makes his heart ache more.

\---

Things don't necessarily get better. They stabilise sure, but they don't improve. Cody makes self-flagellation an art form, and there is a teasing voice deep down -underneath all the hurt and concern- that sounds distantly like his Padawan asking him where the clone would have learned that. Arguments become a daily occurrence.

( _"How can you even want me here."_

_"It wasn't you…"_

_"You're not even listening to me."_

_"I'll listen when you stop trying to hold the weight of the universe on your shoulders."_

_"Rich, coming from you."_

_"What's that supposed to mean?"_

_"Nothing. I'm going for a walk.")_

However, despite Cody's instance on leaving, they reach an impasse. There are lingering effects from the seizure and whatever damage it caused to his brain- the Commander cannot remain standing for long periods before he starts swaying, pallor turning grey. This means that Cody is simply too weak to journey into the desert alone (a lesson which they had to learn twice before it was not attempted again). Neither does he have enough credits to hire someone to take him off-planet. Then, most notably and being the genuine solidifying factor- he simply has nowhere to go. Every being in the universe knows his face, and in such a weakened state there is no way he'd be able to survive incognito. So, it is with apparent great reluctance his Commander stays.

Cody passes much of his time by sleeping or strategically avoiding him like a plague. If Obi-Wan enters the kitchen the Cody exits; if Cody is sitting on the porch and Obi-Wan arrives back with food he remains seated even as dinner is made, waiting until he is in the shower before entering to eat.

Obi-Wan is utterly miserable by the development and consistently needs to remind himself not to force the other to talk when he clearly is not ready. The last thing he wants is to scare the clone away- as the days pass and Cody regains more of his strength, the fear becomes all the more real. So instead he reluctantly adapts, allowing the other the same manner of distancing- taking to disappearing into the desert for all manner of hours and practicing saber forms so that he can come home and pass out immediately.

And repeat.

This system seems to work for a while, and they establish somewhat of a routine, talking to each other only when necessary and sneaking glances when they think the other isn't looking,

It takes a month for their temporary truce to end. Obi-wan is meditating one day, face angled towards the sun's as he basks in their warmth. He is instantly made aware of the others' presence when the inside of his eyelids go dark. He cracks open an eye, observing Cody as the man stands in front of him. Every fibre of his being wants to bridge the distance between them- bump their shoulders and share an attuned smile.

He resorts to giving the other a somewhat tired and muted version, observing his Commander for a brief moment before inclining his head.

 _'There is no passion, there is serenity_ ' he recites to himself.

"Cody. What can I do for you?"

"Tell me what happened. All of it."

That is not what Obi-Wan was expecting, and yet somehow, he had been waiting for it. He frowns unhappily, opening his other eye and letting his folded hands fall into his lap. "I'm not sure if…"

Cody shakes his head, cutting off his warning. His face is set in determination. "I need to know."

"You might want to sit down for this," Obi-Wan warns, waiting for the other to sit on the bench to his left, and then he explains it all.

He explains it from the moment he left his Commander on Utapau. He explains his confusion at falling, pulling himself from the water in deterioration. He explains fleeing the planet when he cannot feel the familiar signatures of his men and going immediately to Coruscant, finding Yoda at the temple. He explains the utter devastation as he finds the bodies of his friends and acquaintances and children alike, lying cold and unseeing on the floor. He explains watching the surveillance footage and taking Padme to Mustafar, praying to any being out there that they could bring his brother back to the light. He explains how quickly he realized that this would not be possible- how Anakin had choked his own wife and how they had fought for what felt like a century, flames licking his ankles as they moved across the fiery plain. He explains his shattering resolve and how he did not have the strength to end it, instead leaving his former Padawan to the mercy of the lava, screaming his vile hatred the entire time. He explains the birth of the twins and the death of Padme Amidala; explains how he promised her he would keep them safe. He explains that Leia Skywalker went to Bail Organa and his wife, and how Luke went to Owen Lars- on the only planet in the universe he is positive Darth Vader will not look. He explains how he looked into the sudden change in the Clones afterwards- when all his duties had been completed and he had nothing but time on his hands- and found that their aggression chips were actually inhibitor chips. He explains how Fives had been correct in his report and that the Clones had absolutely no responsibility for what had transpired. He explains how he had remained on Tatooine afterwards, in his self-appointed exile, alone and feelings barely tethered to the physical world until Cody had turned up.

He misses not a detail; Cody deserves as much. By the end he feels stripped raw and utterly exhausted, and when he glances sideward the other man doesn't seem to be fairing much better. Cody's mouth is hanging open and his skin has taken on an almost grey hue. Upon closer inspection it is clear that Cody is physically trembling, his frame practically vibrating from beside him. Obi-Wan sighs tiredly and reaches out to pat the other's knee comfortingly. He is vaguely surprised when his hand is caught in another.

"I…Anakin. Force, Obi-Wan, I am so sorry."

"So am I."

He could go on for hours about things he could have changed if he had not been so blind. He could rage against it. He could curl up and cry, and he could describe a plethora of emotions that burn so bright and ache so deep. Wishes, desires, regrets. But the cruelty of everything that's transpired is just that; it's already transpired. Anakin Skywalker has already pledged his allegiance to a Sith Lord, has already turned his back on his master for another one. Has already cut down masters and knights and younglings alike, people who looked up to him. Who trusted him. He's already killed the most precious thing to him on the planet- his wife, who he perhaps loved too much in the end. Then he burned, mutilated by Obi-Wan's own hand, no redemption to ever be found.

But that unfortunately _is_ how the stories goes. There are no more pages to turn, no more room to write a different ending. For most of the Universe the story is a legend (for those who still believe the Jedi were good). It is an exciting tale about a Jedi knight- the chosen one- who helped save the Republic. Who died for the Republic. But for Obi-Wan and those left alive who know the truth, the story is a tragedy. So, he could go on for hours about things he could change if he had not been so blind- but he does not. His power only stretches so far, and he would drown in misery if he pondered on it all anymore longer.

"What…What about Rex?"

Cody's voice catches on his brother's name, and Obi-Wan traces small circles on the back of his hand to try and provide some semblance of comfort.

"I wish I could give you a more definite answer, but I just don't know." He sighs wearily. And he doesn't. After Padme's tragic demise, he had managed to spare enough time to look into the fate of the 501st, just like he had done for the 212th. He had searched somewhat desperately, both through the force and with any type of encryptions he could get his hands on to check for any orders that may have been going in or out. He knew the 212th had been moved off-planet and now served the Empire; but for the 501st, there was nothing.

"Ahsoka's connection to the force has been cut off and I was never able to detect her. What I do know is the Resolute crashed into a planet on its return from Mandalore during the execution of Order 66. I... as far as I know, no one survived."

"Oh."

"Cody, they could be alive. I just..."

"Don't want to get your hopes up."

"Yes. I honestly don't know if I have it in me to mourn anyone else."

Obi-Wan feels that hollow feeling rise up again and he turns his head from Cody to look out to the horizon, allowing his eyes to slip close. They burn from within their sockets, but no tears escape- he is not sure he has any left to cry at this stage.

The clone's voice raises hesitantly from beside him. "Maybe... maybe that's a good thing. Rex would never be able to look himself in the eyes again if he hurt the Commander. He adored that kid."

"Yes well, perhaps ."

"Unlike me."

Obi-Wan sighs internally. "You never killed me."

"I tried to."

"You missed. The 212th had some of the best sharpshooters in the whole army. And you're telling me you let Basher, our worst sniper- may he rest in peace-, man the gun?"

This gets the other man hesitating, and Obi-Wan feels a small victory at providing the other with even the slightest of realisations.

"That's... a coincidence," Cody answers, tone somewhat tentative.

"Was it? Or was it you subconsciously ensuring my survival? You didn't even come and confirm my death. You could have finished the job then, but you never."

"I...I think you're projecting too much faith onto me."

Obi-Wan doesn't need to project anything. He knows. "I don't need to project any faith onto you, my dear. I know only facts, and what I know is that you put your worst shot on that unit to give me a percentage of survival, despite the programming."

There is another pause, and Obi-Wan finally feels brave enough to open his eyes again and turn to the left. Cody's face is somewhat blank, but his shoulders are tense and he stares down at his lap, fingers fiddling with a stray thread from his tunic.

"Did…Did anyone else?" he asks after a long moment, and Obi-Wan cocks his head to the side in confusion.

"Did anyone else what?

"Did any of my brothers resist their programming?"

 _Ah_. For a moment Obi-Wan considers spinning a pretty tale- he knows Cody valued his brothers over everything and that this is important to him. But he also now understands that he cannot spare pain by lying- it only transfers and causes more hurt later. He sighs and glances down, jaw clenching painfully before releasing.

"No, not necessarily. For what it's worth, I have the understanding that Commander Bly shot Aayla continuously so her death was quicker and less painful, and that Commander Wolffe almost blew his own ship up what with how close he was to Plo's, to ensure his fighter exploded immediately and didn't spiral on fire."

Cody's face crumbles in devastation. "But they killed them still."

"Yes."

"Bly won't be able to live with himself if he gets out his programming; he loved Secura."

"I know."

"And Wolffe thought of Koon as a buir."

"I know."

"General Secura and General Koon. They were your friends."

"Yes."

"Then how can you stand to look at me, knowing what me and the vode did. We all have the same _face!_ And none of the jettii expected a thing, you trusted us and we _just shot you down._ "

He considers this for a moment. Perhaps, if he was another being, then he would hate the clones. Perhaps if he had spent less time with them; or looked less at their humanity then he would see them as one unit. Would blame them all for the death of his family and very way of life. Perhaps, if he was another being.

But Obi-Wan found that life was never that simple, and he could not resent the clones at all. In fact, he felt nothing but remorse and sorrow for them. The clones had lived short lives, and not once had they tasted true freedom; they had been slaves to the Republic, and their lives had only just begun before they were stripped of their own free will. No, Obi-Wan could never hate the vode. He found he had loved them too much to do so.

"Has it been easy? No, it has not been. And it has required a great deal of meditation and careful consideration. But in the end, I find I cannot hate another pawn on a chessboard because that is all I am as well. I am truly sorry for what happened to you and your brothers Cody- we, the Jedi, failed you all. We did not fight for your citizenship enough, did not look into your origins closely enough. If we had, then perhaps we could have saved a great deal of sorrow. But we never and what has transpired has transpired, and you- by some miracle- have been returned to me. How can I hate you? I think, perhaps, I feel too much entirely the opposite."

The confession rips from him, unexpected and unbidden- and Obi-Wan freezes, glad suddenly his gaze is downcast. He feels surprise roll off of Cody n great waves, and he slams his connection to the force closed, unwilling to feel the consequences of his actions. Time lingers and he swallows, bracing himself for the cutting bite of rejection.

Rejection does not come. From beside him, Cody slips from his seat, coming to kneel in front of him. From this angle, Obi-Wan has a perfect view of the man's face and he inhales sharply at what he sees: Cody's cheeks are wet and his eyes still look dull and lifeless, but there- at the corner of his mouth- is a small smile. A genuine smile. The clone takes both his hands into his own and Obi-Wan lets him, both staring at each other in their own suspended moment in time.

"I don't deserve you," Cody whispers, eyes slipping closed as Obi-Wan frees one of his hands to tenderly wipe away cooling tears.

"Don't I get to pick who is deserving of me, or not?" he responds, and he lets out his breath when his arms are suddenly full of clone.

Obi-Wan has many regrets in his life, many things he wishes he could change. But here, in this moment- he wouldn't exchange anything for the world.

\---

A ship flying overhead is what draws them from the hut. They push through the door, catching the lingering glint of a hull as it lands over the dunes in front of them. He feels Cody tense beside him and he sighs, instantly falling into a familiar battle position (years may have passed, but the instincts that come from being solider linger).

After a couple of moments, two figures appear over the hill and Cody produces a blaster from somewhere, his form unwavering. Obi-wan squints at the approaching strangers, reaching out with the force in assessment. He knows who the beings are long before he can see the outline of a Togrura and the shiny glint of clone armour walking towards them, backlit by the suns.

Cody makes a small broken noise of disbelief beside him when he too see's, batting their hands clumsily until they're linked and squeezing so hard that if he was anyone else the bones would pop.

Obi-Wan smiles and pulls the others arm so they can meet the others halfway.

Once they are within touching distance of one another Rex drops his helmet onto the ground, face open and raw. He and Cody rush to embrace, foreheads knocking together as mando'a falls from their tongues. He catches apologies and promises and lingering regrets- a moment for two long lost brothers. For kindred spirits. He turns to give them a semblance of privacy.

"Hello Ahoska," Obi-Wan says then, tilting his head to consider her. She's much taller than he remembers, and in her eye's hold a universe of sorrow and pain. He feels the same reflect through his own, and he is positive she has quite the tale to tell him. He certainly has one to tell her.

"Hello, Master," Ahsoka replies, and it is in that moment Obi-Wan knows that despite what pain might ensue, everything is going to be okay.

There is no death; there is the Force after all.

And the Force. The force _sings._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a ride. Thank you all for reading.


End file.
